COVID Log – Isolation Date 040620.25
I had a conversation with a friend the other day about how bored and lonely we are and he said “I don’t know how you do it” and it was at that point that it hit me, the world is getting a rare glimpse of what it’s like to live with an invisible disability.
While nothing can completely compare to actually having a disability, this lockdown is coming close.
People are being made to stay home and being told that they cannot do the things they want to do. They all of a sudden have to find ways to entertain themselves within the four walls of their home and they are isolated from most social contact by having to refrain from doing the social things that they were used to doing. For them, it is because of the lockdown, for me it is because most of the time I don’t dare go out and when I do dare, I can’t afford to do anything really fun.
People used to laugh at me when I said that I miss going to work, they couldn’t believe that someone would actually miss the daily grind. In the past I’ve been told by some that they would never miss going to work because there is plenty that they could be doing instead, not surprisingly for me, those are the same people that find themselves bored out of their minds nowadays. Sure, the reasons for their inability might be different but the results are the same, everyone now finds themselves sitting at home going crazy.
People are living with less money and fewer choices than they ever had before. They are finding out that all of that time they spent dreaming about not having to go to work every day was wasted because there is something to be said for having a routine and having the socialization of going to work.
The individuals that envied my seemingly endless “free time” and thought that, unlike me, they could get “so much done” are finding out that this lack of routine brings your morale so low that you have to force yourself to do even the most basic of normal tasks. I’ve been told in the past to fight this by “getting up every day to have a shower and get dressed and do something”. This seems like such a simple piece of advice to follow, and yet people all over the world are finding out that when one doesn’t have any actual reason to do these things, even the simple act of showering becomes an overwhelming task.
The funny thing is that while this lockdown has been hard on a lot of people, in many ways it has made it easier for people like me. The process of going shopping and facing crowds of people was once a very traumatic experience for me, but now because of the lockdown I can get curbside pickup of just about anything anywhere. This is great because it lessens the need for me to have to go into crowded stores and wonder if I’m going to have an embarrassing breakdown.
There is also a huge amount of free entertainment that is now becoming available online. As someone living on disability, I can tell you that not only is it hard to go out, but most entertainment is cost prohibitive when you live on such a low income. Now that everyone is home and trying to live on less money all of a sudden there is so much more that I can do. There are art projects and online learning courses as well as access to free entertainment, all of a sudden the possibilities are endless.
I am starting to wonder if people realize that they are now experiencing a tiny bit of life as a person with an invisible disability. To wake up every morning and realize that they no longer have the ability to just do whatever they want. To remember every morning what it was like when they used to be able to do anything they want and then realize that they don’t know when or if they may ever be able to do those things again.
Now that everyone is effectively a “shut in” society is going out of its way to help people better cope with being alone. While we have no idea how long this pandemic situation will last, I do hope that now that everyone has experienced what it is like to live my life that they start to have more compassion for people like me. I hope that some of the resources that have become available online and in the community stay available long after this pandemic is over and maybe the new “normal” will become a better place for us all.
