There is an old saying that humour equals pain plus time. If you’ve ever watched a comedian on late night tv you have seen them reference this equation when a joke doesn’t go over so well and they say “too soon?”. Lately I’ve been trying to figure out if this is true for every life circumstance or maybe only some sorts of things.
People who know me in real life often comment that I have a “wicked dark” sense of humour or that I make things “seem funny” that just aren’t funny at all (or at least shouldn’t be). When they mention this I often say something like “if I didn’t laugh about it I’d cry” and then I have a mental flashback to an old Home Improvement episode where Tim and Randy are cracking jokes at a funeral and Wilson talks about how humour is a way to process big emotions that you aren’t really ready to deal with.
In the time that I’ve been missing from my blog I have had a lot of bad news and experienced a lot of really big emotions. I’m still not really sure how to go forward with a lot of what’s happened. I know I’m not alone in this feeling because it seems like everyone I know is struggling with something really big lately. I guess it is a sign of getting older when your problems just get bigger and scarier.
I never know if I’m going to be able to function at all anymore. Some days I can move mountains, some days I can’t even roll over. There are some wonderful people in my life who have been standing by me while I ride this rollercoaster and there are some people who have chosen to get off the ride. I really just wish that was an option for me.
I guess what I’m trying to say here is that in lieu of just not writing anything anymore because I don’t feel like I am ready to laugh. I am going to write things anyway and hope that some of it becomes something I can laugh about in the future.
~Elena <3
