I haven’t written anything in a while because I’ve been suffering from a severe case of Imposter Syndrome.
Merriam Webster define Imposter Syndrome as:
a psychological condition that is characterized by persistent doubt concerning one’s abilities or accomplishments accompanied by the fear of being exposed as a fraud despite evidence of one’s ongoing success.
I have been going through a period of very low self esteem and I don’t feel like I have anything to contribute to the world.
Through consultation with my doctor, my social worker, family and friends I am being encouraged to get back into writing and other creative endeavors.
I am finding this very difficult because despite the fact that I have proven to be successful in just about every creative project I’ve tried, I still have a paralyzing feeling of unworthiness and a fear of failure.
So How Do I Deal With My Imposter Syndrome?
I did a bit of preliminary research on treating Imposter Syndrome and it seems that like many other mental health issues there is no specific formula for a cure.
There is often the suggestion that you work through it with a professional therapist. While I’m sure a therapist would be beneficial for me, it is most definitely cost prohibitive in my case.
So yet again I’m going to have to take the research and development of my own treatment into my own hands.
To start with…
I am going to attempt to resurrect my blogging and online presence. (You may have noticed that I reorganized and redesigned the webpage and, while it was frustrating at times, that in itself was a good exercise in distraction from my own self loathing, at least for a few hours).
I think I’m going to take my website in a bit of a different direction with a more holistic approach to examining my life. There is a new section created for me to document my non-writing attempts at creativity as well as a section where Fluffernut can give you her perspective about what’s going on in our lives.
In the near future…
I’m hoping to find ways to make it easier for my followers to encourage and support my progress and to engage with me personally so that we can celebrate accomplishments together thus making them seem more tangible and hopefully I’ll feel less like an imposter going forward.
As a wise beyond her years friend told me: “You might as well give it a try.”
